My Euwy

Although his energy drains mine
From all the running, skipping..the unstoppable playing,
His laughter and glow drowns my weariness,
His youth and beauty, all too priceless.

Although he won't obey all the time,
And would tire himself crying for something he can't have..
His droopy eyes, and sincerest apologies..
Heals me. Soothes me. Surprises me.
And I begin to wonder again how he get to be so tiny and so witty.

And although I wasn't prepared when he came to my life,
And that I have learned so little, so fast..
I am forever thankful to have been given,
The most beautiful.
The smartest.
The sweetest.
The most active, and amazing.
My heart, my soul and my life..
My Angel, my gift and my life's biggest surprise..

Blended Dreams and Frosted Wishes

Tiny glimmering spots, held on my palms
The sun has shone again, its blaze, cold and calm.
Waiting for the night to fall under,
So another yesterday will be over.

I still get the ugly dreams at sleep, and even when I'm awake.

So I get up and pour myself more coffee..
Out of the shivering storm inside me,
And off to the thoughts ever so cloudy..
I sometimes wish you were farther away, from me.

I light up a cig and pretend to breathe weakly
Delaying the heart beat, pushing the thin air far away, from me.
Getting so used to it,
Trying as much to outrun it.

And then I crash, and somehow you are not as felt as before.
This is not the way I wished for.

Fool Moon ( January 26, 2013 )

Every time the moon boasts of its uncanny and supreme beauty, piercing the dark sky with its indestructible fullness, I so purposely take my unbidden chance to blame it for my elaborate lunacy. It is foolish to say that the night is young. It has grown old, older than the most ancient stars, or any creature of the universe. The dark skies have been the sanctuary of all whims and wishes, the maddest and the most hopeless. We think it is undying of exuberance and always yielding of the darkest, most covetous partaking. When it falls, we marvel in its mystery, and when it ends, we delight as if it is our very first beginning. The night, and the moon, with all the infinite possibilities keep us safe, and anticipating - every single time, just before we ramble to slumber. And sometimes, despite all the glory and the shrill frivolity it unselfishly offers, we condemn it for endlessly gratifying our appeal, bearing our unbearable human foolish desires, with a striking, thwarting finish.

Lost Sister ( January 25, 2013 )

Today, I awoke with a message on my phone that made me shiver, and burst into silent, hopeless tears. My dear sister, my one and only in the whole world, spoke of pain, and more of it and made me feel I have to be miserable so their suffering will be well-worth of the life I chose. She still thinks it was all about my longing for freedom. I didn't want to argue because she would never understand. She's furious, and too broken to hear what I had to say. So I have chosen silence again, while wishing and praying that someday they will realize that it wasn't about freedom. I left to forgive, to love and to start over, a family, of my own. It's just so unfortunate that they won't let me even prove that I can..

Thirty and Surprised ( January 19, 2013 )

I had to wait thirty dirty years to experience my first ever surprise party. Thanks to my best friend who made it all happened. Our only plan was to have dinner and few drinks at his place, but I didn't know he invited our special friends to come and celebrate with us too. I was completely surprised all I could say was thank you so much...

I may not have been greeted by anyone from my immediate family because they were too broken to be happy for me, but I thank God for friends who stood by me, and understood my happiness. God is super amazing. He never left me empty handed. Thank You!

Now let me say hello to another year of my existence, my very first day at 30s. Yes, I am getting older.. But I am also feeling so much better! To my little boy and to our man, thank you and I love you!

Leaving 20 Something ( January 18, 2013 )

Tomorrow I will officially bid my farewell to my glorious and equally twisted 20s. Tomorrow, the blog I committed to update daily turns one year old. It was quite an accomplishment to be able to scribble my happiness and pain, all the good and bad, openly and truthfully. I still smile, laugh and get all teary-eyed whenever I read my old posts. It was my history, and my relief. I'm very thankful for the moments that happened, and amazed at the past that is over. There are things I couldn't change and people who chose not to understand. But as my life goes on, I will try to survive everything the world brings.

Tonight, for first time since I left home, I got a drunk text message from my mother. My head ached, and my heart broke, all over again. There's just so much to say, and prove and love that has to be accepted.

Early Gifts ( January 17, 2013 )

Today, I was able reunite with my favorite gadget, my three-year old laptop. My son was also rejoined by some of his favorite toys from our then crib. We were both giddy as we saw our most valued things in the world. My cousin was kind enough to meet up with us today to deliver the stuff. They live right next to my parents' house and they managed to ask my mom to get a few things for us.

One of my cousins also sent me a gift, and inside I was surprised to see a note. I almost cried as I read through it and felt her sincerest love and understanding. I so much needed that, especially from someone who's part of the family who couldn't be happy for my decision. I've been so blessed today. Thank you to my dear cousin, and to You God who's never let me down.