I want to be a good mother. I want to become the best mom for my son. Motherhood is such a complicated job. Everyday is a discovery of what I can and cannot do, what I would do, and would do still, even if I can't do. If I don't deliver the results I want, I feel so lousy, utterly frustrated and unworthy.
I want to go beyond what I can do to fulfill and equal the happiness my son has brought into my life. Sometimes I feel guilty whenever I get tired, mad and just out of proportion. I can't be tired, mad and messed up. I have to be at my best all the time.
Sadly, sometimes, the lack of a partner in raising my son, limits my motherhood. I couldn't ignore the idea of having it lighter and less complicated if the whole experience is being shared with someone who loves my son as much as I do. And the more I hope for it, the less it becomes real. I really don't know. I will just have to believe that I can be a good mom, even on my own.
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