January 19, 2012

Today, 19th of January 2012, I turn twenty-nine ( 29 ). And as a gift to myself, I am going to try to write again, everyday, if possible. If I'm not online, I'll make sure I get my daily blah blahs noted on a piece of paper, or saved as draft on my mobile phone.

Today, I cannot put into exact words what I actually feel. I am not scared of getting old. I am not even aware. What I am afraid of is being this broken for long. My wish for today is to get well..and yes, to be able to edit the past.

On our 28th month together (December 21st ), I found out that the love of my life is cheating on me. And that a baby is on the way. That was definitely the greatest betrayal in my life. He was my man - the father of my only child & the only man I ever trusted all my heart and soul. Oh well, that was our story.

Last night, to distract myself..so I would resist the itch to text him, I scribbled this :

In the end,I always,infinitely lost the battle.

Of the million and one goodbyes,
Of the madness and the lies.
Of the love I wish I could have..
Of the truth I hope I never had.

One day when my wounds begin to itch,
When the pictures fade slow and a bit,
I will,I might,and just be there..
Staring at the stars,all over.★☆★

I'm not even sure if I meant what I wrote.