I honestly couldn't remember the last time I watched a movie in a mall, or had a full-body massage and scrub at a spa. The last time I went to a salon to have my hair treated was like four years ago. I am not even sure about it, really. I've missed out heavily on the series of shows I used to watch on tv and dvds. I haven't finished a good book in ages. I've left two companies in a span of six years, made a bunch of great friendships, and haven't had the time to catch up with any for the last two or maybe three years. I wonder if they miss me too. When I was working, I used to play billiards and sing on videoke almost everyday after shifts. Now I don't know if I can still break the set of balls, or if I'd still have the confidence to hold a microphone and sing out loud. I gave up smoking. I drink less now, and I've almost forgotten how it feels to be crazy drunk. I don't party anymore, or drink outdoors. I forgot how it feels like to wake up after sleeping for six or maybe at least four uninterrupted hours. I spend most of my days at home, wearing oversized shirt and shorts, looking messy, feeling exhausted and thinking my life would change soon. Oh, I am really hoping. Everywhere I go, and whatever I do, I am with my son and it's not always easy and fun.
I don't regret being a mother. I love motherhood so much, that's why I've chosen to be on this for almost two years now. I'm also very fortunate to have the advantage of taking care of my own son and watching him grow and change everyday. I love my son to bits and pieces. And I am really thankful that we get to share our moments and memories together. I've been so blessed. No question to that.
But sometimes, I get so lost...and stuck. I've grown so tired, and impatient. I lost track of time and I feel forgotten. No, I don't intend to go back to my old habits. I just simply want some "me" time... A time I can stop worrying and waiting.. And just be me. I hope that happens soon enough.
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